i seem to be a weekly blogger!

how interesting... seem to only get the impetus to blog in the beginning of the week... perhaps it's just emptying my thoughts from last week and thinking about the week ahead.... have got robinsons training thisweek... for three days... abit apprehensive as to what to expect... beginning to feel the dread of work.. and i haven't even started... sigh...

shall endeavour to be a more regular blogger... :)

been a while since i last wrote... really need an avenue to vent stuff... guess that's the beauty of blogging, and the fact that this is highly anonymous... or at least i think it is... so in a way it's weird coz i'm kinda then talking to myself... but i'd like to think that i'm shouting into a void black open space.... and the whole world can hear me but no one listens... hmnn, i like that thought...

this week has been odd... i had a week of not really being myself... feels abit like i had to be someone else while communicating with paul so that we would avoid any unecessary conflicts... feels like all the love is slowly slipping through our hands but neither of us have the energy to stop it from slipping... or perhaps we have the energy but can't be bothered? or perhaps we are complacent and feel that nothing's gonna happen to us? *sigh* been praying that the Lord show us clear signs of where this is all going... really need to get a grip with life and not let time just pass me by... where did the past 6 years of the relationship go? why have we let it come to this? or were we too blind to the tell tale signs? whatever it is, Lord please lead... how shall anyone or anything prosper unless the Lord is preeminent? and is leading... supposed to be taking a week off and to consider the relationship... i did the most amazing thing last night... i actually turned down the opportunity to have dinner with paul... partially because i was too tired.. but partially because i really wanted us both to take time out to reconsider why we are together... i wonder if he will... seems to me that he is happy the way things are... we seem to have lost the passion somewhere along the way.. he said that love is like waves, there is the ebb and flow... is it really? i admit that two people cannot be madly in love all the time... but if the down period means that there is completely no contact for 4 days... i think there is seriously something wrong...maybe he's getting tired of me... maybe i'm not finding in him what i want in a man... what is it???? argh!

Lord, please show us both this week what path we should be taking... please reveal to us the mystery of Your will in our lives... and help us to be obedient to that will...

struggling alot with laziness in my life... really wanna be able to work hard for the Lord... to not just vegetate... but to toil for my labour and to make the Lord proud...

"The soul of a lazy man desires, and has NOTHING;
But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich."
Proverbs 13:4

i desire much in my life... like i wanna be good in my field, wanna be creative in design, wanna have my own business, want to serve the Lord in the music ministry, wanna have a strong relationship with paul, wanna know the Lord's word well... but i will have nothing if i continue to be lazy... a really difficult lesson.... the soul of the diligent shall be made rich... Lord, teach me diligence.. help me to work at it...

sigh.. gonna be a difficult day ahead... will be interesting to see how i cope... :) i have hope! TOUGH!

a white bubble was formed today... i was honestly bored and was wondering what i should do on this world wide web... and i'm usually not the tech savvy sort... so it has actually taken me this long to jump on... slow mover... i reckon i'm not the sort that will ever make a state of the art invention... but i'm the sort that likes to tinkle with state of the art invention... when it isn't so state of the art anymore... oh well... silly me :)