of THE camera, fat men and hu-ge drums!

I love my new camera... it takes the most amazing photos... isn't this amazing? Been really into learning how to take pictures... or should I say wishing I had more time to learn how to take pictures properly... currently using the camera for work too! very cool... all the A&P people are impressed... thank God for a wonderful person who bought me a camera... and for pretty people to take pictures of... :) 

And then I was at Raffles City just last week and they had this AMAZING drumming cheena show thingo... and it has proven my theory (which I had only mentioned to another friend just the week before) that only fat people can play on big drums... you need to show all the fat on the arms doing the jiggy-with-it. And mind you, it is not that my camera is lousy but that their arms were moving so fast! If you noticed, the guy with the cymbal is REALLY clear, and that's because he's not really moving.. and he's skinny! hahah... :)  

check out their hairdo! Ah-mazing! and they were all swaying and moving in the same direction at the same time! I'm soooo intrigued with these group movements thingys... so synchronized, so together, so hair-raising... :) newly inspired for Christmas actions in church now... hehehe... :) 

Another picture of fat man on HU-GE drums... and skinny boy on cymbals... at this point, they were drumming slower...  

Cheena ladies drumming very quickly... notice how small their drums were? Their sticks remind me of when I was doing chinese dance for some ballet thingy in primary school... i really enjoyed ballet then... but mum pulled me out really abruptly... and then i found out because some aunty told her ballet dancers will be flat chested.... so she freaked... well i guess thanks to mum, i wouldn't exactly be considered flat chested... hahaha... can't believe i'm writing such censored information on my blog!... freedom of speech! heh! 

yohji shirt... don't you just love the hair? :) 

Random thoughts

Been having lots of random thoughts lately... definitely is the quarter life crisis i tell you... i'm more than a quarter of a century old now! and sadly none the wiser... a really close friend said recently that i was flighty... she couldn't exactly qualify if this was a good or a bad thing... it's just a state of being... i'm flighty... so i went online to check the exact meaning of flighty... with all credit to dictionary.com:

**flight·y    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (flt)
adj. flight·i·er, flight·i·est
1) Given to capricious or unstable behavior.

2) Characterized by irresponsible or silly behavior.

3) Easily excited; skittish.

flighti·ly adv.
flighti·ness n.

**flighty

adj 1: irresponsibly frivolous; "flighty young girls" [syn: flyaway] 2: absent-mindedly irresponsible; "he said I was too flighty to be a good supervisor" [syn: head-in-the-clouds, scatterbrained]

oh gosh! gasps! i really AM flighty! yikes! *lets out a shout of horror in disbelief*...

head in the clouds and scatterbrained... no wonder i luuurrrvvee cloud shapes and can see them so well... (refer to earlier posts/friendster.com)

was quite disturbed so i went on line to search for some flighty images... perhaps to represent my current (or worse! permanent!) state of being... :)







is it neccessarily a bad thing? hmnn... i don't wanna be seen/known as unstable... i guess this draws me back to my desire to be steadfast in the Lord... to be faithful and consistent and unwavering...

And of course, as is typical of a flighty person, i have been distracted and i have forgotten what i had originally logged on to blog about... RANDOM THOUGHTS :)

Random thought number 1: My family's an odd mix of odd balls


had family dinner with the family this week... and it was sooo odd... in many ways i love this family to death... but sometimes, seeing each individual makes me wanna laugh out loud... a little bit like adam's family... there's daddy cheong, who's a very reserved man... but comes absolutely alive to new baby cheong... often going goo goo ga ga... next, there's mummy cheong, who tends to be very strict with her words but soft in the heart... a bit like a jelly bean... an orange one (don't ask me why) crispy on the outside and jello on the inside... then there's kor kor cheong... who's got a super load of self confidence.. then there's sao sao cheong... who's quiet and reserved... and then baby cheong... who's the cutest addition to the family who's clever enough to act cute most times to get what he wants... very different individuals... so how did we end up as a family? Who orchestrated this? what would it be like to be born into someone else's family? if we don't get to choose which family, then what is it that we are to learn from this? Things get really tough sometimes... most times... but i love being a part of this odd ball... and most imptly i believe the Lord's placed me here for a reason... must start praying for family again...

Random thought number 2: I have so many things i wanna do
a) dance salsa competitively
b) french
c) tennis
d) run a half marathon
e) travel the world
f) buy a branded leather bag
g) go sky-diving
h) go trekking in Nepal
i) visit vietnam
j) walk the camino
k) play the cello
l) play the violin
m) be two parts in a string quartet (haha! ridunkulous!)
n) sew myself a beautiful dress
o) be a photographer
p) play in a basketball league
q) write my own music
r) be a poet
s) get an accountancy degree (just to prove that i can :)
t) be a princess of a small county in England
u) teach physical education
v) be a businesswoman (selling anything... flowers maybe)
w) plant a chiku tree (and maybe mango and mangosteen and some vine-riped tomatoes)
x) serve in the missions field in cambodia
y) know what the left wing, right wing, conservatives, reformists, communists, democrats etc etc mean in the political arena
z) complete a triathlon

and you know what? i could prob go through the alphabet another 10 times over... that makes 11X26=? (i don't wanna be a mathematician) things that i want to do...

Random thought number 3: I want to run away from the imperatives in life

As Milan Kundera puts it in "The unbearable lightness of being" (must read!), to run away from the "Es Muss Sien!" in life... the "It Must Be!"s. It seems that there are many must do, must obey, must follow, must complete, must excel things in my life... i just wanna not have all the musts... i'd like to wake up when i want to, eat when i want to, sleep when i'm tired, work when i'm inspired... but you'd think without the imperatives and perimeters in life, people would go berserk coz there aren't any guidelines or boxes to trap yourself in... i think the best perimeters to abide by are found in the Lord's word. They are perfect and not man-made (synthetic) and reaps definite rewards... :)

I'm so tired... i'm going to stop blogging now... *yawns* till next... i'll make my random thoughts into random dreams...

The meaning of life

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity...

Having one of those decidedly depressed days about life... as did King Solomon in his time...

Work is one of those things that creep under your skin and infect your soul when it can... Work's mundane, and meaningless... but yet exciting and pulsating... at the end of the day, what/who exactly am I contributing to? Whose life have I made the better as a result of my work? How have i glorified the Lord that little bit more? How have i grown today? What have i learnt about myself? Whose life have i blessed? Have i emerged with a stronger faith? More knowledge of the Lord and His word? More prayerful? More dependent on the Lord?

On the flip side, I've closed another deal, made another winning proposal, given another fashion statement, engaged in a better negotiation, found another way to carry my green bag... these are all achievements worthy of accholade by the world (maybe not my green bag, but i love it!)... but yet it leaves you feeling empty... filled with self, but empty...

Lord, wherein lies the meaning of life? I wish i was teaching mentally handicapped children, or helping autistic children get in touch with life, wish i was a missionary doctor, able to save lives and provide aid to citizens of the third world country, wish i was a against-racial-discriminatory acts lawyer, making sure that people were treated right, wish i could win people to the Lord, tell them the good news, save a soul, work in an elderly home, a childrens' home, talk to people whom no one wants to talk to... will there be more meaning for my life? will i be able to justify my existence a little more?

That's the issue with quarter-life crises, there are a million ideals and not one is realistic... or is it? food for thought... don't want the next quarter of my life to count for as little as the first quarter of my life...

Pickles!

I've taken to reading comics on line again... and pickles is one of my faves! Pickles is written by Brian Crane and charts the movement of two main characters, Earl and Opal, an old couple... and the comic strips identify everyday events about old people that i find so true... and funny!! maybe coz i'm old... or older now... man.. it is SO me to overanalyse things... comics included!

Anyhow, comic relief for a very special and stressed-at-work-by-stupid-insecure-boss friend.. don't we all! :) enjoy!

Door stopper!

i thought this cat was sooooo cute! Cute with a capital C! Cats can copy, meow, scratch, chase rats, choke on fur balls, irritate dogs, laze, stretch, strut, catwalk... and now... door stop! :)

chain reaction

Ever wonder how the memory function of our brain works?

In many ways, I think it works like a chain reaction... not scientific, but i definitely see it unfolding in my life...

When something marvelous happens in my life, say for example, I've got a new dog, or I had a superbly wonderful meal, the chain reaction process in my brain brings back ALL the happy times that i can possibly recall in my mind and it makes me even happier because i think about all the marvelous things that have happened in my life and i thank God for each and every one of them....

More often than not, these chain reactions not only bring to mind scenes or occasions, but people as well. I associate some people with joy and happiness, and others with bitterness and sadness.

In the same manner, when betrayal of trust takes place in my life, even if it's a small insignificant matter at work... all the bad memories will come flooding back... and sometimes, it can hit me so hard that i get depressed... it's as if someone has cut open all the old wounds and it almost seems too much to bear all at the same time... having to deal with all the hurts all at the same time...

I wonder if it's because I haven't allowed these wounds to heal properly... and that's why they've been so susceptible to any small unimportant attacks in my life...

And yet in all these hurts, i struggle to see the Lord's greater purpose... why was there a need to go through such intense pain? why was i not more "equipped" to handle pain before it all crashed on me? where were the warning signs? why have i allowed the same person to inflict pain over and over again?

Perhaps in my sinfulness, i have failed to take heed to the Lord's teachings in His word, i have failed to see the lessons that He is trying to teach, i have refused the moulding of my life and the chipping away at things that are displeasing... and in resistance against a sovereign will, pain (in intense and copious amounts) will come, will hit, will seek to destroy, will obliterate...

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"
Pslam 84:11-12

*Note to self: Walk uprightly... and trust...

The Sun will shine the darkness away and the Shield will block the pain...

Year of the Sheeeep!

You Were Actually Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

What Year Were You Born Under?

i think... this is the most confused animal in the lunar calendar... i've always known myself to be born in the year of the SHEEP... but then everybody else (whose names i shall not mention, especially during CNY season this year) keeps telling me that i'm born in the year of the GOAT... and now it's the year of the RAM?? like why don't monkeys have that problem? nobody tells monkeys that they are born in the year of the ape or something right? ;) or cobras or pythons or cocker spanial or hare or boar... *frowns*

i've decided... i like sheep! so i'm born in the year of the sheep!

**point of note: sheep are defenseless, helpless, stupid animals... they cannot camouflage (grazing in the fields, can't possibly be mistaken for clouds on grass), cannot run/flee for their lives, do not have minds of their own (by leading the first sheep to jump over the fence, the remainder of the flock will keep jumping the same height even though the fence door is open!), do not have poisonous spurting liquids coming out of them, cannot self-defend (but rams and goats have horns)... they are completely and utterly dependent on the shepherd...

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,

He makes me to lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

For You are WITH ME; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"

Psalm 23

I want to be fully dependent on the Lord, to not/never be in want... help me to walk close to You, Lord...

**side note: i don't think it's easy to match what i am and what i'm supposed to be... steadfastness?... hehe... not within my control though... :)

** side note 2: i'm bored at work... and ill-motivated... need to buck up!

*prances off to work... baaaa* :)

Steadfastness

steadfast
adj 1: marked by firm determination or resolution; not shakable; "firm convictions"; "a firm mouth"; "steadfast resolve"; "a man of unbendable perseverence"; "unwavering loyalty" [syn: firm, steady, unbendable, unfaltering, unshakable, unwavering] 2: firm and dependable especially in loyalty; "a steadfast ally"; "a staunch defender of free speech"; "unswerving devotion"; "unswerving allegiance" [syn: staunch, unswerving]

A seemingly simple word, but highly profound in application...

One of the resolutions I brought away from the YAG retreat was to learn to be steadfast. You see, I'm a flighty person by nature. And most times, this flighty-ness permeates every level and area of my life, even and especially in spiritual things.... i wanna learn french, learn jap, ballroom dance, jazz dance, play the violin, take up the cello, work, study, gym, laze, spend time with people, spend time alone, design, travel and everything (and i mean EVERYTHING!) all at the same time... I have no consideration for the amount of time required, the amount of commitment required for each... or the pure irony of the things i wanna do, put together all at the same time... basically i'm clueless...

looking back on my short life, there are many things that were taken up that were abandoned mid-way... e.g. piano lessons (took up to grade 5 in P6 and used PSLE as excuse to quit), ballet lessons (mum said i'd be flat chested if i continued with it, scary at that age! p5!), F maths (could have made it in JC but was just plain lazy), Masters in Strategic Management (once again, decided in an instant i wanted to do it, then decided in an instant that i didn't want to)... i'm sure there are more... but these are the major ones... (of course there is the inconsistency in blogging)

highlighting my inadequacies in the first entry in 2 months may seem like a very depressing thing to do... but i have yet hope!

isn't this amazing? i love clouds! all types of clouds...

there is hope! *nods determinedly* i shall begin with small things... like blogging... and then i can move on to other things that are more major... ultimately, steadfastness is much needed in life... how else will I make friends? and be a friend? how else will the important things in life be achieved? like a stronger faith, and a steadfast heart that follows after the Lord...

i must not give up... if you are reading this, hold me to it! :)

till next... ciao bella...

Bless the Lord; O my soul

"Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satifies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Psalm 103:1-5

5 reasons out of many many to bless the Lord today:

1) Courage to stand up to my GM for dishonest behaviour on her part in order to cover her own ass... actually spoke up in front of her to the CEO that it was her directive that caused the mistake, not anybody else's. Thank God for redeeming my life from destruction and for governing values that have been established in my life through studying His word over the years... so much more to learn!

2) Got my incentive bonus in cheque form today... :) a much needed sum of money which was highly unexpected and underserving.. but will help to form a good base (quote unquote) and pay off some loans... thank God for His provisions and for satisfying my mouth with good things.

3) For a wonderful friend to share the joys and woes with... someone i can call to verify the "decision to go against GM" and to get unwavering support in so many ways... thank GOd for His benefits.

4) For a wonderful time of renewal of faith over easter through the concert and worship... desiring to see the power and work of the Holy Spirit in my life and ministry... not just by my own might and strength (which is often sorely lacking) but by the power of the Spirit working in my life... that others may see and glorify my Father in heaven... thank God for crowning me with lovingkindness and tender mercies.

5) Most importantly, that my heart still feels each time i recall the suffering and death of the Lord Jesus in MY stead, for MY sins.. may i never lose the wonder of it all... easter concert "this is My Son" is the true epitome of His love... the words of a Father who loves us:

"Don't you know, this is My Son, whose flesh you've torn
Don't you care, this is My Son you've crowned with thorns
My precious child... you've tortured and abused
Even though, though I could save Him from this shame,
Though I could rescue Him from pain...

I CHOSE TO LET HIM DIE FOR you..."
Thank God for forgiving my iniquities...

My heart is full of praise for the Lord... I am so so undeserving, but so so blessed... teach me to walk in Your ways and to please You in all that I do...

i'm bored... and female brained :)

as anyone can tell, i'm really bored at work... not because i haven't got a ton of tasks waiting on my desk but because i am simply ill-motivated... bosses are not in town and there is a tendency to skive! really need the Lord to help me in the discipline (or the lack of it) section of my life... am tired of being a loaf...

anyhoooo... i was bored and came across sharn's blog with this... and i'm female brained! not sure i'm really proud of it... but here goes... tough enough to not let anyone take advantage! *nods triumphantly*

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

definitions

was getting bored at work and decided to update the profile of my blog... thought if i decide to blog on a more regular basis, i'd need a fresh new start... like back in the days of primary school, i'd get new stationery every single year no matter how many sets i previously owned... i'm a strong believer of fresh new starts *nods* for without them, there isn't a convincing breakline to separate the past from the present... unfortunately for me, bad habits get carried over this breakline... oh well, hope springs eternal... :)

anyhow, i digress... fresh new starts... how more appropriate than to change the title of one's blog? pseudo (self-deceiving) fresh starts... :) short of getting a new blog... prospective perspectives is the collection name for my past 2 collections... so i thought the least i should do is to find out the dictionary definition of it... and so i did... dictionary.com came up with many very interesting definitions, of which i chose 3 as the description of my blog... i was highly impressed with the depth of this word (punt not intended) but at least now i know how truly apt the collection name was... kudos to THE trusted name provider...

started my first session as a gym rat last night... yes, i have given in to capitalism... actually, it was just coz i did a body analysis and i am 27% (!!!!) fat!! so the "fresh new start" me decided i would stop deceiving myself and join the gym nearest to my workplace so there's no excuse... :) but wow... what a forgotten experience! adrenalin pumping muscle flexing, showmanship-type throngs of people running on treadmills... oh well.. one step closer to 26% fat! (yikes!)

when i'm not blogging, i'm silent... when i finally decide to blog, i'm rambling... ;)

hello stranger

it has been a mighty long while...

loads have happened... loads to say... just wanna get home early for a change one of these days and actually update myself on what's been happening.. it's been an insane rush...

Lord, help me to learn that i am not super and i cannot do everything i wanna do, to the perfect level that i want them all done, ALL at the same time...

that sentence made perfect sense but never gets carried out...

melancholic

the past couple of months have been very interesting.

how shall i even begin?

feeling melancholic... shall write soon...