chain reaction

Ever wonder how the memory function of our brain works?

In many ways, I think it works like a chain reaction... not scientific, but i definitely see it unfolding in my life...

When something marvelous happens in my life, say for example, I've got a new dog, or I had a superbly wonderful meal, the chain reaction process in my brain brings back ALL the happy times that i can possibly recall in my mind and it makes me even happier because i think about all the marvelous things that have happened in my life and i thank God for each and every one of them....

More often than not, these chain reactions not only bring to mind scenes or occasions, but people as well. I associate some people with joy and happiness, and others with bitterness and sadness.

In the same manner, when betrayal of trust takes place in my life, even if it's a small insignificant matter at work... all the bad memories will come flooding back... and sometimes, it can hit me so hard that i get depressed... it's as if someone has cut open all the old wounds and it almost seems too much to bear all at the same time... having to deal with all the hurts all at the same time...

I wonder if it's because I haven't allowed these wounds to heal properly... and that's why they've been so susceptible to any small unimportant attacks in my life...

And yet in all these hurts, i struggle to see the Lord's greater purpose... why was there a need to go through such intense pain? why was i not more "equipped" to handle pain before it all crashed on me? where were the warning signs? why have i allowed the same person to inflict pain over and over again?

Perhaps in my sinfulness, i have failed to take heed to the Lord's teachings in His word, i have failed to see the lessons that He is trying to teach, i have refused the moulding of my life and the chipping away at things that are displeasing... and in resistance against a sovereign will, pain (in intense and copious amounts) will come, will hit, will seek to destroy, will obliterate...

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"
Pslam 84:11-12

*Note to self: Walk uprightly... and trust...

The Sun will shine the darkness away and the Shield will block the pain...